Just a place for soulful expression.

The weak breeze whispers nothing

The water screams sublime

His feet shift, teeter-totter

Deep breath, stand back, it’s time

Toes untouch the overpass

Soon he’s water bound

Eyes locked shut but peek to see

The view from halfway down

A little wind, a summer sun

A river rich and regal

A flood of fond endorphins

Brings a calm that knows no equal

You’re flying now

You see things much more clear than from the ground

It’s all okay, it would be

Were you not now halfway down

Thrash to break from gravity

What now could slow the drop

All I’d give for toes to touch

The safety back at top

But this is it, the deed is done

Silence drowns the sound

Before I leaped I should’ve seen

The view from halfway down

I really should’ve thought about

The view from halfway down

I wish I could’ve known about

The view from halfway down

(Originally from bojack horseman)

tfw you’re walking around in the first snowfall and you think you see someone you haven’t seen in a long time and really miss and you call out their name and a stranger stares back at you like you’re a crazy person and you put your head down and turn around and walk into the wind and wonder if you’re losing your mind or if the alcohol is playing tricks on you and whether or not your rambling all these years has done you wrong and if those bad dreams you had the other night that had you crying aloud in your sleep fortold all of this and you should have seen it coming and if these three dimes in your pocket count as happy times cuz you’ve got all of what you need but none of what you want and you realize that youve earned nothing and everything you have was given to you out of kindness, I suppose. And so you keep walking into the wind hoping to find a bar with loud music and fast talking women and some hard drinking men cuz that’s where you feel like you can blend in and this stranger that you just yelled at won’t be staring at you anymore like you’re a crazy person and these have been the longest three short seconds of your life.

My mistakes haunt me. My poor decisions make me want to scream. My long memory makes the years feel like an interminably long time.

I am afraid that I’ve lost the spark. Terrified, in fact. Because, what is the point of living if I don’t feel alive? And what will it be like afterwards? Is it better to stay here on this earth and hope, or to cross the boundary and see what’s on the other side? The knowledge of my past decisions holds me captive – a slave to a thing which doesn’t exist; to a person and a time which no longer exists by a human-centric metric.

What shall I do? I am wounded and scarred and all I see when I look into a mirror is an ugly mess of flesh and bones. And I put on my face and go into the world full of confidence and ego and everybody thinks I’m great and I do too. And then I go home, and wash off my personality and cry on the inside. But only on the inside, because with allathe misery in the world l haven’t any real tears to spare for myself. And they build up and then it rains and I finally feel like the world knows what I feel like inside. But eventually the sun shines again and I have to get dressed and show the world that I am strong and capable and I have to take care of my obligations.

How much longer can I do this for? The idea of another 40 years seems insane. There was aass shooting in my neighborhood yesterday, and all I can think is that I was in the wrong place, at the wrong time. This all could have ended acidentally and I’d be absolved of having any hand in it… Jesus, how selfish is that? How horribly, pathetically self-absorbed have I become? Fuckkkk.

This blog has gone from a place where I shared my creativity and inspiration, to a place where I piss and moan about my lot in life. As if I never had a choice in the matter.

I made this! In many ways, I chose this! So why do I make myself suffer? Do I hate myself? Am I the cause of all of this “suffering?” And if I peeled off my skin, what would I find? A demon who exaults in misery? An angel who fell from heaven and is desperately trying to claw its way back onto heaven? What am I? Tell me! Tell me! I need to know! Tell me!